WOE HO HO

Sorry sir, but we cant afford to take any risks in these bad times...!

SLAM DRUNK

Ok boys, just watch... this last one's definitely hitting bull's eye!!

ASTRO-NUT

Oh no! I forgot the camera back home...!!

AND THIS TOO SHELL PASS

Cheer up buddy! why do you always look like you have a huge burden on your shoulders?!

EXAM SILLY-BUS

Pssst... never mind the answer to Question no. 7... just tell me what that boy spoke about me in the chemistry lab!

INCEP-SHUN

Dont you dare give me that Inception nonsense This is the real world and you're going to school today!!

PRETTY FLY FOR A WEIGHT GUY

Eeek!! Shoo that fly away... I can bear anymore weight than this!!

ICE FOLLY

You are so careless! Didnt I tell you to eat up that ice-cream before it melts...?!

HOMEY ALIMONY

So my ex-wife gets full custody of our kids, while I get to keep the house!

MODI-FY SEARCH

He he he... Oh, he's good, this Lalit Modi!

LACK DONALD'S

Madam, you came here and asked for something that's low-cal, low-fat, non-fried, vegan and light... here's your stack of tissues. Enjoy. Do visit us again!!

HAPPY DEARTH-DAY

What nonsense!! Only 3 people have wished me on Facebook! Am I that bad?!

'SHELL'ATIVES

Hey bro! Im feeling adventurous... Race you to that tree over there!

OBSTACLE DEBACLE

We were short of 1 hurdle,so we borrowed one of those barricades from those workers there!

GAME SHAME

Quick, go tell Rahman to sing louder... maybe then they wont hear the ceiling falling!!

INFI-NEAT-Y

Phew... It sure is difficult to make ends meet!!

GETTING HIGH

Wow...skyscrapers sure seem to be the need of the hour, dont they?

HARP ON WARP

But I'm not "perpetually taken aback", I am 'shell'-shocked !

SO,LADIES AND GENTLEMEN... INTRODUCING FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME,OFFICIALLY ON P-TAPS - WARP, THE SNAIL.

AFTER EXPERIENCING THE SUCCESS OF 2 PREVIOUS SNAIL GAGS, I HAVE DECIDED TO INCORPORATE A CHARACTER WITH A NAME AND IDENTITY. A GAG FEATURING WARP SHALL APPEAR ON THE FIRST MONDAY OF EVERY MONTH ON THIS BLOG. THE REASON I CHOSE SOMETHING AS OBSCURE AS A SNAIL WAS BECAUSE I FOUND THE CREATURE EXTREMELY ENGAGING. THE SEEMINGLY BENIGN MOLLUSC MAY BE SLOW, 'SLUG-GISH' EVEN, BUT IT SURE CAN PROVIDE ENOUGH FODDER FOR A LIGHT-HEARTED TAKE ON LIFE'S MUNDANITIES.

WHY HAVE I CHOSEN A NAME LIKE WARP ? FOR THE SIMPLE REASON THAT THE WORD IMPLIES TWO THINGS, ONE IN A SATIRICAL WAY AND THE OTHER IN A LITERAL SENSE. WARP REFERS TO SPEED (OR THE LACK OF IT IN THIS CASE) AND WARP ALSO MEANS 'TWISTED OR COILED'.

SO HERE'S TO A SOUND CAMEO BY WARP ON P-TAPS, WHO WILL NOW SHARE SPACE WITH THE QUINTESSENTIAL "PERPETUALLY TAKEN ABACK PERSON".

LIKE A SURGEON

Uhhh... I need to go to the bathroom!!

POP-IRONY

No surprises...considering all that Iron-rich spinach he's been consuming!!

BOTTOM HEAVY

So?! Even your hips would be this wide if you have more than a billion children!!

SPOUSE GROUSE

NAGGING HUMAN WIFE - Remember, you can run, but you cant hide!!
NAGGING SNAIL WIFE - Remember, you can hide, but you cant run!!

MOUNTAIN PEE-U

Hang on... Here is the Mountain Dew! Now where did the urine sample go then??

GUMS AND ROSES

Of course I want to hold your hand... but I got mine stuck to the chewing gum under the table accidentally!!

TRAPEZE SNEEZE

AAH-CHOO!!

SEER FOOD

Clams?! I was so sure they were going to serve me fish!!

THIS GAG IS IN REFERENCE TO PAUL,THE ORACLE OCTOPUS...POSSIBLY THE MOST ENDEARING ASPECT OF THE FIFA WORLD CUP,2010.

INCOGNI-TENDULKAR

Hey Sachin, remember how you've always wanted to walk past a crowd and not get mobbed? Well, now would be a good time!

CRY-STIANO RONA-LDO

So have they won or lost?! One can never tell from the amount these footballers seem to cry!!

ESCAPE-A-LATOR

Mom, come fast! These steps are going away!!

SPITTING IMAGE

Hey! What are you doing? We're up on the skywalk!!

JAM ENTERTAINMENT

Oh, drive-in theatres are now passe. With today's traffic, 'DRIVE-THROUGH' Theatres are the IN-thing.

HERE,THERE, EVERYWHERE

Allah? - Omni-present! Jesus? - Omni-present! Krishna? - Omni-present! Buddha? - Omni-present! Zeus? - Omni-present!

BAT STARCH MARCH

Oh dear, a little too much starch, I believe, Master Wayne!

TOW ROW

Tsk,tsk... Ironic,isnt it?

HARRY,HARRY..QUITE CONTRARY

So, who is going to tell Harry that he's wearing his invisibility cloak the wrong way and that we CAN see him!

ALLI-GATOR-ADE

Yikes...Run! These humans drink stuff called 'Gatorade'..!!

VAULT FAULT

Idiot! Didnt I tell you not to water the mud before the pole-vaulting event?!!

PARIS JILT-ON

Come on, eat up if you want to grow up big and strong... or do you want to end up as Paris Hilton's pet?!

DECOM-POSED

Stop applauding and help me up... I'm stuck!!

DOUGH THROW

This new exhaust vent seems to be really powerful. I just tossed up the pizza dough, and...!!

LEG LONGING

Serves you right! Who asked you to go for 'long legs' when I pointedly said 'long leg'...!!
LONG LEG IS A FIELDING POSITION IN CRICKET.

"PANDORA'S" BOX OF TROUBLES

These stupid earthlings and their racism!

A GAG BASED ON THE BLOCKBUSTER AVATAR. I MADE AN EXCEPTION HERE AND ADDED COLOUR AS IT WAS REQUIRED FOR PEOPLE TO KNOW/REMEMBER THAT THE INHABITANTS OF THE PLANET PANDORA, i.e THE NA'VI ARE BLUE IN COLOUR....

PETA 'EAT'A

You know, technically... they should be allowing that goat to chew on his leaves...

HOME AWAY FROM HOME

Cant understand what the big deal is about Shah Rukh Khan travelling around in a luxury van... we've been doing it for years!

TURNING STONES INTO MILESTONES

His dogs dies, he fails his exams, he broke a leg in a road accident.... but he chooses to cry only when Sachin Tendulkar scores a 200* in One-Day Cricket!!
SO HAVING WAITED FOR THE RIGHT TIME, I COULD BARELY CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT WHEN I COULD FINALLY SIEZE THE GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY....
YES! A 100 P-TAPS AND WHAT BETTER MOMENT TO CREATE A GAG ON THAN SACHIN'S HISTORIC 200* AGAINST SOUTH AFRICA. SO WHILE THE LITTLE MASTER ACHIEVED HIS DOUBLE CENTURY, I MANAGED TO SCORE A CENTURY TOO, IN MY OWN LITTLE WAY....

'ONE'-DAY PLANNER

"Sir, you have a Board meeting at 10 a.m., an industrial visit at 12, business lunch with the foreigners at 2 p.m, your new clients arrive at 3 p.m.... and the IND vs AUS match begins at 4 p.m."

BATTY SIGNAL

See! This is what happens when you dont fix the Bat signal on time!

CUB SCOUTING

There are millions of annoying little brothers in this world... so can I please swap mine for a tiger cub??

THIS POST IS AN ATTEMPT TO BRING TO LIGHT THE CURRENT CRISIS THAT THE TIGER POPULATION IS FACING IN OUR COUNTRY. THERE WERE 40,000 TIGERS IN INDIA AT THE START OF THE CENTURY, BUT NOW THE NUMBER HAS DROPPED TO A SHOCKING 1411.... AND THAT TOO ONLY A DECADE LATER.

THE saveourtigers CAMPAIGN HAS KICK STARTED A SERIES OF RESPONSES FROM PEOPLE IN THE FORM OF ARTICLES, ADVERTISEMENTS, SMS'es, BLOGS ETC.

I'D LIKE TO CONSIDER THIS PARTICULAR P-TAP AS A SMALL CONTRIBUTION IN SAVING OUR BEAUTIFUL NATIONAL ANIMAL.

FUZZ ADO ABOUT NOTHING

So... Am I addressing his front or his behind?!

CHINK IN THE GREETING

Errr.. what are you doing?!They are from Nepal!