ONE DAY 'INTENTIONAL' RETIREMENT

That's it... I'm only going to watch T20 matches from now on! Sachin never played that format, so now that he has retired, I won't miss watching him play!!

DOOMSDAY 'REPORT'

Look I know our exams start on Dec 21, 2012. We might as well study for it... either way, we will be doomed, right??

MOBILE ON 'ROAMING'

Aha! So that's where I left my cell phone!!

SILENT TREATMENT

Alright, don't talk to me then! See if I care. What a bunch of snobs!! 

CAMERA SLY

Why does she bother hiding her driver's license photograph after uploading all those silly pictures on Facebook for everyone to see??!

JAMES' CLAIM TO FAME

I don't care! After the Presidential re-elections and after seeing African Americans winning awards at the Oscars, why can't we have an African American James Bond??! 

STEALTH IS HEALTH

Maybe if I don't make any sudden moves, I won't startle her and she'll just go away!

IF LOOKS COULD KILL

My wife thought she'd save time by putting on her make up in the car.
Unfortunately, I had to drive over a lot of potholes! 

POLI-TICKLY INCORRECT

I understand that foreign cartoonist's joke hurt their religious sentiments...
but why are they destroying their own countrymen's property in protest?!

POTABLE IS NOTABLE

Illiterate buffoons! I got such a nice fountain built for their village and they ask me for drinking water!!

TRYST WITH THE UNDERBELLY

Ha Ha Ha Ha!! That tickles!

SPAM JAM

Ok, I can get that the Government allows only 5 outgoing sms'/day to prevent communal violence. Now who is going to prevent all those useless incoming promotional sms' to prevent me from getting violent??

CANDLE AND CANT-DLE

Hey, how come grandpa gets only 2 candles on his cake?! I got 4 candles on my birthday!!

SLIME'S NOT ON TIME

SNAIL - Wouldnt it be cool to have a time machine!
WARP - I hardly think so... Any place I set out for, I anyway land up reaching only in the distant future!!

FROG SPURN

Man - Yuck! There's a fly in my soup!!
Frog - Yuck! There's soup on my fly!!

CAPTAIN ROACH

You know, the Superhero world maybe inspired by spiders, bats, lizards and octopuses... but in the real world, it is the mighty cockroach that rules !!

IDENTITY CRISIS

You dont seem yourself today, buddy... You appear slug-gish !

AN i FOR AN EYE

ipod, iphone, ipad, EYE STRAIN

HOME AWAY FROM HOME

I like the sound of this place! Lets stop here for the night...

DARE TO SWEAR

Havent I told you not to use abusive language?! I hate them... they sound so awful!!

STARS' WARS

Never mind those small-time candidates. The way A-list Bollywood actors have been behaving in public these days, I want them to participate on Bigg Boss!!

WEB OF LIVES

I don't care if your home is more 'aesthetically appealing'... mine can last for centuries!!

# BROTHER HUNT

Mother - I cant find your brother anywhere! I've looked in the garden, library, the mall, his friend's house and he isnt answering his cell phone...
Son - Check his Twitter updates.

GAGA GUISE

I really envy that Lady Gaga...Unlike the rest of us celebrities, all she has to do to avoid being recognized in public, is to wear normal clothes!!

PILOT PROFILE

I cant wait to land and switch on my cell phone. I havent updated my facebook status for hours!!

POLITE PUGILIST

WORST THIRST

Didnt I tell you to bring a bottle of water? We're miles away from land and I'm so thirsty!!

SLOW IN TERMS OF

RAT - C'mon, move it...Get out of my way...Godspeed, I say!!

WARP - Godspeed?? What do you mean Godspeed?!

WARP - NO seriously, I have no idea what Godspeed means!!

ACID TEST

Oh, I forgot to tell you - I've started storing vinegar in that old juice bottle.

KILT JILT

Look dear - they wear full-length ones here in hot and humid South India, unlike the knee-length ones back in our cold Scotland. Strange, isnt it?!

NO NEWS IS TRUE NEWS

Mom's fed up of these newspapers trying to compete with each other... So, she's gone back to getting her updates by gossiping with our neighbour!

MINI-METRES

My boys, in my day life was all in metres per hour... Today, things have picked up so much of pace, its all in metres per second!!

RACIAL SLUR-P

SERVER - Would you like your coffee black or white, ma'am ?

CUSTOMER - Whatever dude, I'm no racist!

''HUE'' AND CRY

What do you mean you think 'the referee maybe colourblind' ?! "

OS-STRETCH

He's checking to see if RedBull will really give him wings!

DAWNING DUSK

WARP : I'm glad we managed to make it for the last sunset of 2011...

SNAIL : Yeah...

BIRD : You're too late...This is the sunrise!