SIGN OF THE CRIMES

That billboard is useless! I tried to follow all those rules, but got knocked down by some idiot who chose to ignore it. He got away and look to me!!

CONG-STRESS

Sir, could you kindly turn off that song?? Sonia madam insists that she doesn't want anything to do with the letters A-A-P anywhere around her!!

THE ANIMAL SONG

He listens to all those artists with absurd names like 'Snoop Dogg', 'Pussycat dolls' and 'Pitbull', but when I call him a 'dirty pig' and ask him to clean his room, he gets highly offended!

BEE-WARE!

     Now here's one 'Sting operation' that will NOT make headlines in tomorrow's newspaper!

SACH-IIIN SACH-OUT

It started as a peaceful discussion on cricket over the years. It then turned into an argument once they had to decide whose generation Sachin Tendulkar belongs to !!

LAST MAN STANDING

Oh, there's nothing wrong with my legs! All the other seats were taken in this waiting room, so I had nowhere else to sit!

IF FOODS COULD KILL

Sssh... don't disturb your father. He's reading about the Snail Holocaust!

HAPPY DEVIL-LI !

With Halloween and Diwali so close to each other this year, it has obviously caused some confusion amongst the NRI's living in our city!

I-SHAN'T SHEAR-MA HAIR!

Ishant refuses to cut his hair and it keeps hampering his bowling. So coach sir has come up with an appropriate solution!

IL'LUSTROUS' CAREER

Cancel that super model's contract. I want that singer to be the new face of our shampoo brand. I want him just the way he is on the billboards as well as the TV ads!!

SEQUEN-SHELL

BIRD - Wow, Hollywood's releasing a Fast and Furious movie part 7! I bet they're making these films faster than you snails can even watch them, eh? He he he....
BIRD THINKS - Sheesh... these snails are slow even in getting the joke!

METAL DETEST-OR

Its okay, let her go. Forget carrying any metal on her person, I doubt she even has enough Iron in her blood!

MODAK MOMENT

I better enjoy the Modak this year. It'll probably be Modi next year, for all I know!

DUE FOR ICU

DEPUTY - Sir, here are those fellows booked for repeated rash driving and going over the speed limit. I've asked them to assemble here like you'd asked.

POLICE CHIEF - Good. Kindly ask them to go to the Government Hospital. They're in desperate need of Ambulance drivers!

WE ARE THE TRAMP-IONS

Dude, help!!! I've been jumping on this stupid trampoline for an hour!! I just don't know how to get off it!

INFLUEN-SHELL

That reckless fellow is trying out those dangerously fast roller skates again! He's such a bad influence on our kids!!

GRADE UPGRADE

So, not only is that the grade you have scored in this exam, it is also a 'subtle' hint as to what might be the reason for this terrible performance!

POSE TO REPOSE

How is it that we spend a fortune on a really expensive bed, luxurious mattress and custom-made pillows and yet it is our dog who manages to get the best sleep in what looks like the most uncomfortable position ever??

BEAUTY IS SHELL DEEP

Human - Good grief, listen to this! Apparently Japan has introduced a snail facial where live snails are made to crawl on a person's face. I wonder what they will think of next???
Warp - Ewwww! Did you hear that?? Imagine having to crawl on a live human's face!!

FOOD FOR NOUGHT

I wonder why the 'Below Poverty Line' daily expenditure has been raised to Rs. 33 from Rs. 31. Could it be  because they don't care to include the free Midday Meal scheme in it anymore??

SLOW BEAU

He's taken to working out these days. His girl's interest in Turbo is making him insecure!

GENRE CORNER

That's it! I'm going back to making violent war movies. I made one film on cute babies and puppies and
these Human and Animal Rights Activists have been tormenting me ever since!!

ACHES AND CLAIMS

Will you look at this?? Your son will run 21 km marathons with great ease, but every time I ask him to
go downstairs to buy some milk, he claims his legs are paining too much!!

THE BARE TRUTH

What do you mean "indecent exposure" ?? I'm a Slug... I've never had a shell!!

FARTHER DAY

                     No, no ! That's not who you wish on Father's Day!!

CRICK-EKE OUT A LIVING

My son has started showing interest in wanting to become a cricketer. I'm worried... its just not a straightforward profession these days!

CURVE-RT

SNAIL - Hmmm... Dangerous curves ahead...
WARP - You scoundrel! How dare you talk about my wife's shell that way!!

TOWEL TROUBLE

He's too scared to use a towel after the whole spot-fixing scandal broke out...!

TRAFFIC SIG-NULL

What do you mean you didn't see the traffic signal?? It's right there in plain sight, between those billboards!!

PSY-TRY

No,No... I was talking about "Bank Num." , NOT Gangnam! Stop doing that!!

ACCELER-AID

Human - These new shoes sure help me run faster!
Warp - Did you hear that?? We have got to get ourselves a pair of those!!

ENCORE, BRAVO!

One of the cheerleaders got exhausted from all the dancing. So, they have replaced her temporarily with
Dwayne Bravo!

CHANGING TIMES, CHANGING CRIMES

Things are different now, Grandpa. Earlier, youngsters used to get influenced by violence in movies. Today, all the movies are taking inspiration from the violence committed in real life!

SPY-DER CAMERA!

          That's yet another batsman to get startled by the spider camera!

STAIR DESPAIR

HUMAN - Lets take the stairs... It'll get us down there faster.

WARP - Poor fools... Those stairs are useless. I tried them last week and it took me the same amount of time to reach down there!

MARA-TORN

What nonsense! How can the lift be out of order today, of all days! Do they expect me to climb down 4 storeys and THEN run a full marathon??!

PARENTAL GUIDANCE

Times have changed, dude. Both my parents are now active on Facebook. So, I have deleted my account - not because I'm scared they'll follow my posts but because I'm scared to read theirs!!

TERMINAL TERMINATE

ASSISTANT - Sir, why don't we invite the Vice President from New Delhi for the re-opening of our newly renovated airport?
POLITICIAN - If the airport hasn't opened yet, then where do you expect his plane to land?? 

BEAUTY IS ONLY SHELL DEEP

Better watch out, bro. I know those signs... My wife read one of those posters too and all she wants is
plastic surgery since then!!

ONCE UPON A CRIME

Boy 1 - I'm sick this news on violent crimes in our country!! Lets watch something else for a change. Why don't you pick a nice DVD?

Boy 2 - Good idea! What do you want to watch - 300, I know what you did last summer, the Saw series or The silence of the lambs??