MARA-TORN

What nonsense! How can the lift be out of order today, of all days! Do they expect me to climb down 4 storeys and THEN run a full marathon??!

PARENTAL GUIDANCE

Times have changed, dude. Both my parents are now active on Facebook. So, I have deleted my account - not because I'm scared they'll follow my posts but because I'm scared to read theirs!!

TERMINAL TERMINATE

ASSISTANT - Sir, why don't we invite the Vice President from New Delhi for the re-opening of our newly renovated airport?
POLITICIAN - If the airport hasn't opened yet, then where do you expect his plane to land?? 

BEAUTY IS ONLY SHELL DEEP

Better watch out, bro. I know those signs... My wife read one of those posters too and all she wants is
plastic surgery since then!!