AMAZIN' AMAZON

ELF - Hey Boss, we have way too many presents and not enough time to deliver them to all the children in the world! What can we do???

SANTA - Use Amazon.com. I believe their drones deliver at very short notice. Matter solved. 

GOOD GRAVY!

COMMON MAN  - Eeeeek! Look at all that blood. I've lost my appetite for dinner tonight!

THE DOCTOR - Eeek! Look at that gravy. How will I be able to perform the surgery later??

FAIRY TRAILS

HUMAN - So Hansel and Gretel left a trail of bread crumbs in the forest. When they woke up in the morning, the birds had eaten them and they couldn't find their way back home...

WARP - Hansel and Gretel should have been snails. No bird would ever bother eating a slime trail!

RIDDLE ME SOME OF THIS

Sigh. I know I should be rescuing those people by solving this riddle.
Yet, all I can think of right now is how much that Question Mark resembles an upside down Kim Kardashian!

PACE GRACE

COACH - C'mon faster, faster! You're training at snail's pace!
WARP - I'm flattered if he thinks that that is my pace!

CLUB DRUB

WIFE - I sure have gained a lot of weight in the last few months!

HUSBAND - Join the club...

WIFE - What are you talking about?? YOU haven't gained any weight at all!

HUSBAND - You're right, I haven't. I was asking you to join the health club to lose weight!

WET Met

So after viewing weather conditions today, the Met Department has predicted that monsoon shall arrive in two days' time....

BORROW SORROW

SLUG - Brrr! It sure is cold today. Wish I could borrow your shell for some protection.

SNAIL - What did that slug want with you??

WARP - A Home Loan.

NAMO MANIA

So I'd been to Central Park to do a bit of Christmas sales promotion for our company. Some children there pointed at me and kept yelling - "Look, its Modi! It's Modi! ". 

HAUNT JAUNT

HUMAN - Brrr! They said this house is haunted. I sure hope I don't run into any ghosts!

GHOST - Brrr! They said this house is inhabited. I sure hope I don't run into any humans!

CREATING WAVES

Kids today, I tell you! I took my three year old son to the beach for the first time today and you know what his reaction was ??
He said - 'Wow dad, those waves look almost as good as the ones in our computer screensaver!!'.

BOLD SHOULDER

Just look at him! I hope I never have to hear you grumbling about the kind of 'burden' you have to carry on your shoulders ever again !!

'CLEAN' CAUSE

Here, rub this soap on your body before you do that Ice Bucket thing. This will be closest I will ever come to seeing you having a bath or even getting clean!

GAME CHANGER

HARE - Let us have a race to decide who is superior. The one to finish first is the winner!
TORTOISE - Alright.

WARP - Superiority, eh?? Stupid tortoise should have chosen baseball. It would have been so easy to score HOME runs!

BANGING HEADS

That's called 'Headbanging'. When they do it to heavy metal music, its considered COOL. However, when I do it to their terrible report cards, its considered MELODRAMATIC. 

CUB 'SCOUTING'

He he he... He's never going to find me here! I've found the perfect hiding place!

PICK UP SLIME

BOY SNAIL - Hey baby! Your place or mine?
WARP - Silly fellow. How does he expect them both to fit into one shell??

HIGHLY MILEY

Wow, that creature must catch a lot of flies. Her tongue's always sticking out!

ROMPER WHOMPER

Now here's one wardrobe malfunction that will hopefully not make news in the tabloids tomorrow!

IRON MAN-IA

Looks like some Super Villain finally found a way to trap IRON MAN!

SNAIL SPIN

The poor fellow inside that spinning shell must be getting really sick!

fLOTUS

Hmmm...our satellite seems to have picked up some large unidentified vessel moving along on the Ganges!

Wait, never mind. Its only that giant Lotus float, celebrating the BJP's win in the elections!

CAPTURED!

Hey bro, look - Those humans have left their cellphones here. Let's click a couple of Shellfies of ourselves!!

LEG 'GLANCE'

Sigh, thanks to this new 'Umpire camera' on my cap, I can no longer steal glances at those cheerleaders. They'd all know where I've been looking!

ELECTION SELECTION

Sir, I was wondering if we could rope in that cricketer who is in great form currently to help us with our political campaigning.
And what kind of a role model would HE be?? He won't even be in the country to vote as he will be busy playing the IPL in UAE!!

WHO'S THE BOSS

The way these politicians keep talking about 'Women Empowerment', they should just change the campaign slogan to 'Abki Baar, LADY Sarkaar' - simply because of the bad influence they've had on my wife!!

SL-AAP

Isn't it strange that just when Kejriwal makes statements against a rival party with a Hand as their logo, he gets slapped randomly during his rallies!

BEHOLD THE BELT

WARP - Hey buddy, may I try that? It looks like fun!
HAMSTER - Sure!

WARP - OK, I'm standing on it. Why isn't the wheel moving?? Is it broken?!

WORTH THE WEIGHT

Yes, I know I's checking my weight with my shoes and backpack on ! That's the only way I know I weigh less than what the weighing scale shows!!

WOMEN'S DAY DREAM

Why does the media choose to 'celebrate' Women's Day by printing silly articles giving useless advice on dieting, social issues and hormones?? They should just print large picture of handsome actors and chocolates... That would be a treat! 

HOME 'BOUND'

WARP - Hi Dear! I'm home!
WIFE - Well, aren't you always?? Tell me something new!

TUMMY TROUBLES

GUEST - I can understand that your wife is expecting a second child, so she's eating for two. But why does your son have such a large appetite all of a sudden??
HUSBAND - He's suffering from worms. Therefore, he's eating for many.

KEJRI (FIRE)WALL

Quick, lets go and quietly join Kejriwal's dharna over there! The police wouldn't dream of searching for 3 crooks in a group of people protesting against corruption!!

BABY BALK

If these grown ups keep speaking such silly words, its no wonder we toddlers take 2 years to start learning how to talk!

HURRY WORRY

HUMAN - Slow down man! The speed limit is only 40 kmph!!
WARP - Hurry up man! The speed limit is 40 kmph!!

HAVE YOU SEEN HIM, THE CM?

No,no.. I'm not going to clean that room. I've been using it as a store room for all my supplies. CM Kejriwal spends most of his time at some protest or the other, so I thought I'd put his vacant office to some use!

ROAD RAGE OUTRAGE

ABROAD - Wow, the motorists here are so polite in these foreign countries that its almost as though they know each other's families personally!

INDIA - Good grief! The motorists here are so rude, it sounds as though they personally hate each other's family members!!

MAKE MOST OF POSTER

HUMAN MOTHER - My son has put up a poster of his idol, Michael Schumacher on his bedroom wall. He'd won 7 Championships!

WARP'S MOTHER - My son has put up a poster of his idol, The Tortoise on his bedroom wall. He was the won who beat the Hare in a race!

PEDI-CURSE

RECEPTIONIST - Hello sir, would you like to try out our special "Intense Fish Pedicure" for your tired and aching feet? All you have to do is soak your feet in the tub and relax.